by The Onion: http://www.theonion.com/article/teary-eyed-student-loan-officers-proudly-watch-200-52895
Unable to contain their emotion when they heard
the account name called aloud by the college provost, a group of
teary-eyed Sallie Mae student loan officers proudly looked on Monday as
their $200,000 balance sheet asset graduated from Emory University,
“It’s been absolutely amazing to watch our revenue
stream grow right before our eyes,” said smiling collections officer
Robin Black, explaining that, looking at the impressive figure now, she
could hardly believe their future series of principal and interest
payments was only $50,000 just four years ago.
“This is such a big
milestone, but to be honest, it’s really just the beginning. We’re all
looking forward to seeing how our beloved asset progresses now that it’s
going out into the real world. Who knows where it will be 15 years from
The student loan officers went on to express their hope that
they’d one day be able to see their source of profit go to law school.