1. Telling children you’re in the 25th grade
2. It’s been at least 10 years since you had a “real” weekend
3. Realizing your vocabulary is permanently scattered with words like “problematic” and “ontological” and “hegemony”
4. Coming up with all of your good ideas in the shower …
… and no good ideas during your oral defense.
5. Going to parties and everyone’s just standing around talking about their research
… because none of you are in touch with pop culture in the slightest.
6. When your undergrads ask constantly, “Is this going to be on the exam?”
7. Your average dinner is a bag of frozen vegetables topped with leftover shredded cheese and hot sauce
8. When someone claims that being in a doctoral program isn’t “the same thing as having a real job”
9. Trying to date another Ph.D. student
10. Unironically referring to the library or the lab as “home”
11. … and feeling ultra-guilty anytime you try to relax
12. Finding an old paper you wrote your first year of grad school
13. Realizing where most of your stipend went
14. When master’s degree students complain about their workload, you’re just like
15. Trying to make non-academic small talk with your advisor at a reception
16. When all of your colleagues are married, and you’re just like
17. Feeling some degree of “impostor syndrome” at least once a day
… as in, you’re just waiting for someone to realize that they made a HUGE mistake letting you into your program and to swiftly kick you out.
18. When someone asks you for the 357th time what your dissertation is about
19. How you feel when your annual conference is in
20. Seeing someone on your dissertation committee outside of school